I have judgments. Many. I have judgments about my judgments. Many.
And if I felt like digging deeper, I could probably go so far to say that I judge the judgments of my judgments.
If only I could figure out a way to make money on this whole shebang.

I am 30 and I want to be in a relationship. However, there is the shape of my body and the fact that I LA and sometimes it feels like those two things and being in a great relationship are all mutually exclusive. And I want to just be open to magic of the universe and allow it to bring me to that amazing man whomever he is. But some days I get caught up in the judgment, which only leads to lonely feelings smooshing away within my heart.
I can't tell where I am now. It is Friday and I have no plans which could easily lead me to judgment about how the fuck am I supposed to meet someone when I am in my house. And yet, I have this incredible sense of peace and openness in my heart. And I feel fine about being at home...there are projects I am truly exciting about diving into. I love spending time with myself and my work does not allow alone time which for me is totally essential.
If I listen to my heart, I revel in this personal delight. If I listen to my mind, I get caught up in stories trying to convince myself of million things wondering when and if the things that I dream up in this charming noggin of mine will actually come true and if they don't what does that say about me and what does it all mean...exhausting.
The choice, even to my mind is easy. It doesn't take the wanting away. I guess I could just enjoy that too.